“Satire is a sort of glass, wherein beholders do generally discover everybody’s face but their own” –Jonathan Swift

Marvin and Betsey Turtletaub own a little shop called T’s News and Videos.  It’s a porno shop.  They call it News and Videos to throw off the unsophisticated.  However, there’s very little news being purchased there.  Every now and then someone will buy a newspaper. But, naturally, they aren’t the main attraction.  Marvin and Betsey are behind the counter. “The Stage,” as they call it. Marvin is hunched over on the counter reading a newspaper, smoking a cigarette, drinking vending machine coffee. Betsey is sitting at the desk playing solitaire, smoking a cigarette, and drinking vending machine coffee.

Marvin: …I think we should fire Dante.

Betsey:  Why?

Marvin:  He’s very bad with the customers.

Cut to: Dante, an eighteen year old black kid ringing up a white middle-aged male customer renting a video from the point of view of the security camera.

Dante:  So you into sistas, heh?

Customer:  Excuse me?

Dante:  Got a fever for the flava of the Nubian queens!

Customer:  (Puzzled; awkwardly)  I’m sorry, I don’t understand…

Dante:  ‘Course you don’t.  It’s cool for you to go home and whack off to my sistas, but you ain’t go’ marry one, are ya?  You damn stupid cracka.  Get outa here!  Damn wannabe!

Cut to Marvin and Betsey.

Betsey:  I think he’s a fine young man…

Marvin:  He’s very militant.

Betsey:  What is that your business?

Marvin:  He has nothing but contempt for us.

Betsey:  He’s eighteen years old…

Marvin:  And I don’t like the way he hands out all that Muslim stuff…

Betsey:  What Muslim stuff?

Marvin:  Those flyers he hands out to all the black customers.  You never seen him handing out those flyers?

Betsey:  No…

Marvin:  Always with the Assalam Alakum …

Betsey:  (Perplexed)  What?

Marvin:  I don’t know; some greeting they’re always doing…

Betsey:  You’re prejudiced…

Marvin:  I’m a Jew!  I can’t be prejudiced.

Betsey:  Then why are you always calling them schwartzes?

Marvin:  I’m not always calling them schwartes!

Betsey:  I’ve know you thirty-seven years, you’ve always called them schwartzes.  That’s not being prejudiced?

Marvin:  It’s like a nickname…

Betsey:  Like kike is a nickname?

Marvin:  I like the blacks, okay?  I got nothing against ‘em.  It’s a question of manners.  Dante has very bad manners.  He hasn’t been taught right.

Betsey:  He’s always reading.

Marvin:  Yah, what is he reading?

Betsey:  (Shrugs)  I don’t know what he’s reading…

Marvin:  He’s reading Malcolm X.  He’s reading Marcus Garvey.  He’s reading about the Black Panthers!

Betsey:  So what is that your business?

Marvin:  He berates the white customers…

Betsey:  He doesn’t berate them…

Cut to: Dante gazing at the credit card of another white middle-aged male customer from the point of view of the security camera.

Dante:  …Bernstein?

Customer 2:  Yes…

Dante:  You Jewish?

Customer 2:  (Slight pause)  Yes.

Dante:  (Suspiciously)  My bosses are Jewish…

Customer 2:  (Uncomfortable)  Really?

Dante:  Lemme ax you something, man.  You one a those Jews always comparing yourself to the plight of the black people?

Customer 2:  …Excuse me?

Dante:  I know ya’ll went through some shit; but don’t ever think you had it worse off than us!  Don’t ever delude yourself into thinkin’ that!  (Customer is dumbfounded)  Now take your nasty-ass video outta here, I ain’t got time for you…

(Customer can’t even speak. He walks out completely stunned)

Cut to: Marvin and Betsey.

Betsey:  (Shrugs)  So he’s got strong opinions.

Marvin:  Strong opinions?  You know what he calls us behind our backs?

Betsey:  I have no idea…

Marvin:  Mr. and Mrs. Jew.  (Betsey chuckles)  Oh, that’s funny?

Betsey:  He’s a child…

Marvin:  You’re always excusing him.

Betsey:  I’m not excusing him.  My goodness, you get so… (Trailing off)

Marvin:  I should show you the video from the security camera?   Then maybe you’ll believe me…

Betsey:  Is he ever late?  (Marvin doesn’t reply)  Has he ever called in sick? Has he stolen from us?  (Marvin won’t answer)  Then why do you want to fire him?…You’re not exactly Mr. Hospitality, either, when it comes to dealing with the customers…

Cut to: Marvin confronting a young black male customer from the point of view of the security camera.

Brother:  (On the verge of losing his cool, but not quite)   Hold up hold up holdup-

Marvin:  What are you holding?  There’s nothing to hold…

Brother:  Man, I ain’t got no credit card…

Marvin:  Oh well…

Brother:  Just to rent a damn titty flick?

Marvin:  That’s correct. (Pointing to a sign in back of him that reads: “DRIVER’S LICENSE AND A MAJOR CREDIT CARD REQUIRED FOR ALL RENTALS.”)

Brother:  That’s bullshit, man!

Marvin:  (A shrug)  Well…

Brother:  You go’ come up in a predominantly black neighborhood and require a major credit card…

Marvin:  You know what?  The majority of the blacks who come in here have a credit card.  It’s not my fault if your credit’s shot.

Brother:  How do you know my credit’s shot?  That’s a damn stereotype! Maybe I’m one a those folks who just choose not to have a credit card…

Marvin:  Then I will be more than happy to sell you a video tape.

Brother:  Man, I don’ wanna buy no…ferget’choo! I’m-a tell everybody I know to boycott this place!

Marvin:  (Patronizing)  Assalam Alakum!

Brother:  (On his way out)  You a damn racist!

Marvin:  (Yelling after)  I’m for the human race!

Cut to Betsey and Marvin.

Betsey:  It’s a wonder you haven’t been shot yet.

Marvin:  Please…

Lights fade to black.